Our Open Adoption

So I have received a few questions about open adoption since my post on Facebook.  Since I have always had the transparency level of saran wrap, I figured its only suiting to share some of my responses.  I'm sure others may have the same questions or may even know someone in a similar situation.  So here goes some Q&A :)
Q: Why did you give her up?

A: Nine years ago I got a tubal infusion.  Five years ago I donated every single infant item to the goodwill, just days after I enrolled my youngest into kindergarten. So you can only imagine my upset when I found out my tubal failed after years and years of working properly.

Q: Do you see the child?

A:  We share photos, emails, and text messages.  At the moment not in person, because it was my choice to find a long distance adoption mother.  I used a non-profit agency called IAC to mediate the process.  I paid no fees nor did I request any funds.  The only thing my husband and I required was a loving home, with financial capability, and complete privacy. However we do have the option to visit her whenever she, or we, are ready to do so.

Q: How does your husband feel?

A: He was happy we found a great option with Dr. Kristina (adoption mother).  She is a single woman, pediatric cardiologist, who loves child but doesnt have any of her own.  She did a great job getting to know us and keeping us updated on a routine basis.  I'm sure he misses her, but he knows we made the right decision.

Q: You already have three, would one more really be too much?

A: Hell yea lol!  Since having her we have been through a layoff, homelessness, legal crap, car wreck, deaths and who knows what else will happen.  I'm blessed to be able to bounce back, but trust me taking a newborn through that stuff is not an idea situation.

Q: Do your kids know?

A: Not really.  Half my family doesn't know.  I was very successful with hiding those 9 months. Plenty friends, coworkers, and online folks have known since day one.  We will let the kids know when I feel they are old enough to understand our decision.

Okiedokie feel free to ask anything else. Oh MUCHO GRACIOUS to those who did knew and managed to keep it on the low lbvs.  But to those who may think adoption is a scary decision, full of depression and guilt, let me be the first to tell you... WRONG!  We are very happy that we found the right person to give her the right options in life.  She will always know that we are her birth parents, that not only gave her life, but gave her a better life, and there is no guilt to be found in that!
Ladae

Good Bye Tampons, Hello Menstrual Cup!

A year supply of Tampon Pearls? $84
A year supply of Infinity maxi pads? $108
A TEN YEAR meluna cup? $25

Even the math makes sense.  But what didn't add up was why cups are never discussed as a period cycle option?  Menstrual cups were created by women for women over 80 years ago, and are highly popular in Europe.  The cups are usually made of silicon or polyethylene (similar to a diaphram) and will not irritate the vagina.  I did my research before purchasing, since there are at least a half a dozen company's that produce these cups.  There are a few US vendors such as Diva Cup, available in some Walmarts/Walgreens.  The one I ordered was from Germany, which had really great reviews for women of all ages. (12 and up can use the cup).  The cups last up to 6 hours once inserted. The challenge is purchasing the correct size, I got all 3 above for about $35 dollars (24 Euros).  I was a little put off by the cleaning process at first, but once you get over dealing with your own blood its not that bad.  Also inserting it properly is key, or you will get leakage.  It's a good idea to wear pantie liners the first few months.  Some company's offer a cleaning agent for the cup, which last 10 years if cleaned properly.  I did not purchase any, but I have found the BEST remedy for smelly cup (it will happen, no way around it) is to wash the cup between each insert (2-3 times a day) with baking soda and apple cider vinegar.  After your cycle ends, boil hot water and soak cup for 10 minutes, then air dry in the sun (window ledge works for me).  Once you find the right size and placement, you will ditch the granny panties for sure!  It may seem taboo, but I encourage everyone to at least research your options.  They also have disposable cups available in your grocery store if you want to just sample how the cups work. Any questions, feel free to ask.  I have 2 daughters and saving money in the sanitary napkin isle is a plus!

Order Your Cup Here
Review Cups Here

A Blacksheep Testimony

          Ten months ago we lost our home.  Nine months ago we lost my step-mother.  Eight months ago my husband lost his job.  I could blame the recession, but reality is we, like many other families, are just dealing with life's many ups and downs.  However I am SO THANKFUL for the lows, because they truly make you appreciate the highs.
           As soon as we lost the house, our children were sent away for summer break (good timing right?).  This allowed us the option to live in a hotel until we could reestablish our money.  It seemed like a great idea, just hubby and I cuddled up in a studio sized hotel suite.  However when my step-mother was diagnosed with cancer, I did what I needed to do to help my father.  Even if that meant losing weeks of pay, and making several trips from ATL to Chicago.  During the time of her funeral, my husband was laid off of his job of 8 years.  Talk about a double wammy!  So when our children returned home 3 months later, they found us living in a hotel on a very minimal budget.  Hurt and disappointed, but we as parents did what we had to do to make it work.  To say it was a major adjustment for us all is an understatement.  We went from a half acre backyard to absolutely no play space.  Sharing bathrooms, drawers and counter space with children is hectic.  Not being able to entertain guest with BBQ, cards, and laughs was the worse for me.   During this time we had to deal with many other financial obstacles. Traffic fines which turn into thousands of dollars (and i do mean thousands) in fines and fees.  We lost not one but 2 trucks, making it impossible for hubby to job hunt.
          I couldn't let the negative things overcome us, so I found myself constantly looking for the positives.  Sharing a small space can really serve as bonding for a family.  Hubby and I learned so much about our children during that time (good and bad).  They definitely are coming into their own personalities, which can sometimes be missed behind bedroom doors, and too much technology time.  It also caused us to really focus on building unity and showing respect for others.  But most of all it made us all appreciative.  At least once a week I had to remind everyone that it could be worse.  We could be in a shelter, separated, or living outside on the streets.  We had walls, good eats, and enough income to maintain week to week.
          I am SO HAPPY TO SHARE that as of 4 weeks ago, we have been able to climb a few steps up the mountain of life.  Instead of purchasing another SUV, we were able to purchase a small gas saving vehicle.  After 7 months of unemployment, hubby started his new job this week.  AND we moved into an apartment temporarily while we save up for another house.  Nope I'm not back to where I want to be, but I had to share some of the progress.  Many people including my own family had no idea of our situation.  Just goes to show that everything that glitters aint gold!  A lot of times people assume life is grand.  You never really know what someone is going through, but better believe through it all I held my head high, stayed positive, and kept my eyes on the prize:
Dear Top,
The Williams are coming for you..
Sincerely Ladae

Real Daddy Report

So many times we hear about what a father has not done for his kids.  We rarely see the praise reports.  But not today!  Who says we have to wait until Fathers Day to be thankful for an everyday average dad? I know there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  We all make mistakes and have to adjust our parenting skills all the time.  But its always a beautiful thing when we do get it right.  

Last night my oldest daughter wrote a note to her dad asking for $20 for a school book fair.  The note read "I want to buy three books, plus some new school supplies."  Hubby got home late from work and didn't really read the note.  This morning my daughter again ask for the money, but sleeping daddy said, "No, I can get books and supplies from the dollar store!"  Of course my daughter drops her head and walks out the room upset.  A couple hours later I said to the hubby, "I remember when I got book fair forms, and my dad was too cheap to give me the money. She needs books, they need supplies.  If I had the money I would give it to her."

At first he was a little offended.  He mentioned not having book fair money either growing up.  To that I replied, are we trying be like our parents or better then them?  Nothing more was said about the topic, and hubby left to run errands.  One hour later he walks in the door with a bag of new books, a bag of supplies, and even stopped at daughters school to give her some book fair money.  Thats a real dad right there!  I'm sure he made her day just by showing up.  I think its important for fathers to bond with their daughter.  Daddy daughter dates are more helpful then any dad will ever know.  I'm just glad that we as parents can know when to put ego aside, and do the right thing.  And for that I'm thankful to celebrate Fathers Day everyday, even in November!

Ladae

Presence

 Dedicated to Shirley Lee Conrad 

4-6-1967 ~ 8-18-11

God chose you to be his angel.

Although my mind is in disbelief.

We thank you for leaving your presence.

To help transition the pain with ease.

Your joy forever felt in our hearts.

Your smile replicated on children's face.

Your warmth left on every wall.

Your happiness fills this space.

Giving thanks for the memories,

of happiness and joy you give.

Today we celebrate your life,

That you so beautifully lived.

Physically you're in a happier place.

Your presence will never cease.

Gone but never forgotten,

May your soul Rest In Peace.

Ladae Williams

Cut Throat, No BS Allowed

Turning the other cheek is the mature thing to do, I know I know. But I only have two cheeks on my face. After two chances, the next cheeks you will see is my backside as I walk away.  I am one of those I can forgive, but not gonna forget type people.  I use to allow people several chances to self correct.  We all make mistakes, and sometimes behavior patterns are just that, patterns.  Some folks try to "change" other's, some folks just deal with it, and others (like myself) tend to let go.  

I know it can seem cut throat as hell, but as I get older I realized people don't change easily.  Hell even I have habits that I'm not willing to change, and I make that very clear with every friendship/relationship.  It's been almost 3yrs since I have had a real conversation with my own mother and sister. I had to let them go after several "chances" to accept me for being who I am.  I am a very proud, outspoken, sarcastic, bi-sexual mother, in an open marriage.  I understand that's a hard concept for a religious family to swallow.  So I allowed them time, and I turned cheeks to their harsh words and judgments on my lifestyle.  But after 5yrs of my currently 10yr relationship I had to let them go.  Yes I forgave them for things said about me, and to my children. However that doesn't mean I need to allow another opportunity to hurt or disappoint me again. 

Over the past years, my tolerance for bullshit has diminished.  Being a Gemini gives me the unique ability to communicate very well. It's one of the easiest things to manage, but its also can be the hardest thing to do.  Without communication, everything from business to personal can fail.  If I can't trust someone to open their mouth and just share thoughts, then what can I trust? When I start having to ask myself that question, then it's usually time for me to exit stage left.  It might not be the right thing to do, and some may not understand.  Being cut throat has saved me from a lot of bad situations.  But more importantly it has allowed me to live in peace.  Which is what everyone deserves right?

Ladae 

Mid-Year Resolutions, Why Wait Til December?

Every New Years people announce their goals for the upcoming year.  By the month of March, over 50% of those people haven't taken one single step towards accomplishing those goals. It's now July, and before you know it, leaves will be falling from the trees.  So technically we all should be about half way done with our resolutions right? Wrong! 

Wrong at least for myself, I am so far behind, its sad.  All writing has been on hold since football began in January.  After dislocating my arm in football practice, working out and typing became difficult.  I probably gained a good 10 pounds since the injury, but no time is better then present to get rid of it!  In two months my Ace will be getting married.  I definitely do not want 101 pictures in a tight bridesmaid dress!  So it is now essential that I get on the ball.  I also need to complete and publish my cookbook.  I know its going to be a challenge due to funds, but not impossible with the correct budget.  It has also been on my heart to start Pride Pillows again!  Pillows wasn't really on my "2011 To-Do List", but when your intuition speaks more then once, you probably should listen.  So yes I need to give myself a spanking, as my Bella would say lol.  It is time to get-r-dun and complete some goals!  Slow start doesn't mean I can't finish the race strong right? #Take2

Ladae