Parenting has got to be one of the hardest gig's in the world. No paid vacations, no sick days, some of us don't even get flex time (shout out to the single parents.) It doesn't help that television and technology exposes kids to things that mature them way too fast. Sexting and Textual Harassment are terms that were born just this decade but already have been a serious issue. And no matter how many times we (grown folks) say once u send a pix there's no telling where it ends up, I BET you we still sending risky pix to loved ones. Im guilty of it, but I don't ever plan to run for office so... :P But seriously, kids have WAY too much access to the Net. PS3, Cellphones, Laptops, and computers in their bedrooms! And yall wonder why little Suzie has a Youtube Video of her dancing on a chair? Webcam attached to the bed, and facebook page 2500 friends deep. And parents ALLOW THIS to happen.
My oldest daughter is 11 yrs old, and getting to that age where she is blossoming and definitely "smelling herself". Pretty soon she will be a teenager and I can only pray that she doesn't do half the crazii shhht I did as a teen. But I know to be ready for all sorts of drama. In efforts to prepare myself I have been asking other parents when is the right time for certain things like Facebook page or even having their own computer. In my house there is one computer and it stays in my room. This way I will always know what goes on when they are online. Some of my children's friends and cousins have FB pages already. I think 15-16 yrs old is a good age for a page, but I'm sure my husband will disagree. Never is most likely his answer, lol (protective daddy) When is the right age for a FB page?
An even harder question is when do you discuss Birth Control? By the time children begin high school sex has already been a topic of discussion (or activity) amongst their friends. If your 14yr old daughter told you she was thinking about having sex (still a virgin) would you put her on the pill? As soon as my mother found out I that I lost my virginity the first stop was the local clinic. I got the full STD check and was put on BC pills instantly, age 15yrs old. It did not make me have more sex, but it did make it easier to say "yes". Some parent feel if you give them protection then they will have sex more often. Other parents feel that safe is better than sorry. What do yall think?
Feedback por favor!
Ladae
I'm one of those "better safe than sorry" parents. Once my girls reach puberty and start getting their monthlies, they will be put on birth control. The possibilty of a pregnancy is enough motivation for me to get 'er done. I hope that my girls will be mature enough and aware enough to say "no" to the nookie, but even the brightest girls can slip up when the young men say the right thing. Also, though I pray it doesn't come to this for ANY pre-teen or teenage girls, but some girls have the choice taken away from them against their will. The possibility of a pregnancy being a result would only add to the devastation, especially when THAT could've at least been prevented. For me, its a matter of preparation for the unexpected rather then consent to give it up. We can't always see what is going on with our daughters, especially when they become social and mobile...
ReplyDeleteWell I am a mother to an almost 7 year old daughter, nad although she is only 7 I know sooner than later that will become an issue with her. I am 33 and growing up I was not exposed to sex like the children are now. Growing up I was fortunate to have parents that cared enough to protect us yet make sure we were educated in that area. My parents worked hard to instill in us morals and values, we grew up in a very religious household... fortunate for me all the strictness payed off , during my teenage years I was no interested in sex I enjoyed playing sports such as basketball, and running track. I remained a virgin throughout my teenage years. Now in no way am I saying this waa easy, it was a challenge. Now that I am parent I just hope i can instill the same values in my daughter. Putting your child on birth control does make it easier to say yes, and does not necessarily shield them from the consequences of their actions, I believe that more parents should encourage their teenage daughters that it is best to wait until they are mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes along with having sex, giving them a pill prevents a possible pregnancy but sometimes these young girls can experience emotional distress later in life.
ReplyDeletei'd rather her be safe than sorry.... but i think 14 is kinda young to be thinking bout sex.. who she having sex with should be the next question...
ReplyDeletemine is 16, and thats a situation that i have not come across yet..
but when i do, i am also gonna suggest condoms.. we cant stop them from doing it, but we can do all we can as parents to help them make GOOD choices....
With girls poppin' out babies at the ages of 12 and 13, I think that if you wait until they are 14, you may be running behins on the sex-ed. Don't wait for the schools to do it for you... feel me? These girls are thinkin' about kissin' and having boyfriends an sneaking into hot clothes before they even get bumps on their chest... Preparation is key....
ReplyDelete@ Ne, technically there is the morning after pill for instances where unwanted sex has occured, but i definitely understand your point. What age is good for FB or Myspace seeing that their are online predators every where?
ReplyDelete@ Anon I agree BC doesnt shield them from the concequences amd emotional distress. I come from a very religious home, strict mother (who was also a teacher) and she also encouraged abstaining. That message went in one ear and out the other. It might just depend on the teenager.
@sugadew does your daughter have a FB page?
ReplyDeleteyes she does... and a myspace....
ReplyDeleteand she also has classmates with babies...
yes, thats right BABIES.....!!!!!
my poor baby. sometimes i feel bad for her the peer-pressure is worse now than it was when i was going to school... the whole fitting-in thing has excelled. the pressure of ''not being a virgin'' is right up there on top of the list. but i always sit down and talk to my daughter. at times she comes home upset because all the other kids are doing things that im just not gonna tolerate.
ReplyDeletesome of them are 'out there' like they dont have any parents. then comes all of the young boys
ready to fit in also.. looking to TRY sex with the first girls who will let them.
I must say that children and teens have a different set of issues than we had growing up in the 70's and 80's. I'm 35 years old and I have 2 daughters age 16 and 9. I talk to my eldest daughter very openly about sex and what lil boys intentions are for her. Television, media and movies can be a double edge sword meaning it introduces the topics to our children but I think it is our job to talk to them about the topic. I emailed a radio dj one day to complain about the adult topic of threesomes during my daughters commute home from school. He respectfully replied back to change the station because it was adult radio hour. And as parents that is what we must do...we MUST watch television with our children and explain what they are seeing, we MUST censor what they see and hear on tv and radio, we MUST NOT give them unlimited access to the world wide web at such a early age. My 16 year old is a virgin and has taken a pact with other teens in her mentoring group to abstain from sex and sexual activities until after graduation. She does not have a boyfriend although all her friends have boyfriends and some are even sexually active. She learns a LOT from their situations alone and we discuss them amongst ourselves so she understands that she does not have to submit to peer pressure. My 16 yo has a FB and Myspace page and I monitor it and so does my sisters and mother and it is used merely for communication between cousins and classmates. My 9 yo gets access to the computer but only to go to age appropriate content such as disney, nickelodeon and games. I don't think as a mother that we should cave into the pressures and allow our kids to have sooo much freedom so soon. Buying BC pills says hey...have some sex, I don't care, your wont get pregnant. But what do you do when your 14 year is on BC pills having sex and contracts HIV or an STD!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
ReplyDeleteI'm of the belief that there is no 'right' time in general. It all depends on the kid, the parenting style, the level of communication between the child and parent(s), and the mindset of the child. I was always a mature child and I have raised my son in the same light. I don't sugar coat anything and I have always made it a point to be very openly communicative with him and not to hide anything. Those are two of the main issues in parent/child relationships in general but, particularly, in the African American parent/child relationships. If my parent(s) or older relatives chose to be more informative and chose to be more open to allowing me to express my ponderings and things I was exposed to...who knows who I would be and what I may have avoided. Anywho...I believe my son had his first webpage at 13 or 14. My daughter doesn't have any and probably will not have any until about 16 simply because she, luckily, really does have the mind of a child of 10 years old and has yet to develop interest in those things. She is so active, she doesn't have time to be concerned about online activities.
In my opinion, birth control should be explained to a young woman once her menstrual starts. My daughter is 10 and just started her menstrual in September. We knew she would be starting her menstrual soon as of last year once we noticed her mood changing consistently around the same time each month. We started talking to her then about menstruation but we didn't explain to her what it actually meant- how she has began ovulating, what that means, what it can result in, how we get there, etc. We have began to talk to her about what having a period means for her and letting her share some of the changes in mental, emotional, and physical 'feelings' she is experiencing as she progresses through this. By the first of the year, she will know the basics about how her feelings, sex and birth control tie into her menstrual. When I was my daughter's age, I had already sex so it's very important to me, though, she lives a completely different life than I did and has a completely different type of support system to fall back on ... I still want her to be prepared.
Okay, I've typed enough. :)