Q: Why did you give her up?
A: Nine years ago I got a tubal infusion. Five years ago I donated every single infant item to the goodwill, just days after I enrolled my youngest into kindergarten. So you can only imagine my upset when I found out my tubal failed after years and years of working properly.
Q: Do you see the child?
A: We share photos, emails, and text messages. At the moment not in person, because it was my choice to find a long distance adoption mother. I used a non-profit agency called IAC to mediate the process. I paid no fees nor did I request any funds. The only thing my husband and I required was a loving home, with financial capability, and complete privacy. However we do have the option to visit her whenever she, or we, are ready to do so.
Q: How does your husband feel?
A: He was happy we found a great option with Dr. Kristina (adoption mother). She is a single woman, pediatric cardiologist, who loves child but doesnt have any of her own. She did a great job getting to know us and keeping us updated on a routine basis. I'm sure he misses her, but he knows we made the right decision.
Q: You already have three, would one more really be too much?
A: Hell yea lol! Since having her we have been through a layoff, homelessness, legal crap, car wreck, deaths and who knows what else will happen. I'm blessed to be able to bounce back, but trust me taking a newborn through that stuff is not an idea situation.
Q: Do your kids know?
A: Not really. Half my family doesn't know. I was very successful with hiding those 9 months. Plenty friends, coworkers, and online folks have known since day one. We will let the kids know when I feel they are old enough to understand our decision.
Okiedokie feel free to ask anything else. Oh MUCHO GRACIOUS to those who did knew and managed to keep it on the low lbvs. But to those who may think adoption is a scary decision, full of depression and guilt, let me be the first to tell you... WRONG! We are very happy that we found the right person to give her the right options in life. She will always know that we are her birth parents, that not only gave her life, but gave her a better life, and there is no guilt to be found in that!
Ladae
Bravo to you for sharing. Sometimes adoption is the best thing. I am an adopted child and, as a youth, I struggled with that, especially, when thinking about the fact that my biological mother had a child four years after she gave me away (still a teenager) and kept her & then had another child 7 years after that. However, I came to terms with that long ago. I would be ghetto, uneducated, underdeveloped & stuck in the same city due to a lack of curiousity & exploration & probably toting around kids I've had with my grandfather & uncle had she kept me. Additionally, one of my two kids has been raised by someone else for 10 years now & continues to be raised by someone else. I didn't officially give her up for adoption but I did sign over legal guardianship to her dad's sister a little over 10 years ago. I talk to my daughter weekly and have the opportunity to visit her whenever I choose. There are times when I would be down on myself because of my decision but that was just a self-centered moment. It is a selfless act to be able to give your flesh & blood every opportunity to grow, learn, live & have a happy life when that life is only availabile through someone else. Most people can't see outside of themselves enough to even consider such a thing. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI had no idea that you went through such an ordeal. You are such an incredible person to be able to make that type of decision. I was wondering what type of tubal ligation did you have? I have four kids and I think I'd have a nervous breakdown if I got pregnant again. I've just had my tubal ligation a couple of months ago and they used filshie clips. I know nothing is 100% but I was curious what type you had since it failed you. Sending lots of love your way <3
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